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“I Would Never Do Anything To Hurt You” They Said…

16 min read

So, after a very long time of silence with names, I’m going to say one: Sarah.

I’ve decided to speak up on this issue because I recently mailed former patrons a gift certificate to this site ( as a thank you for pledging to my Patreon at some point in the past. A few people responded with some not so pleasant messages, one was “You and Kai are monsters” and the other two followed suit.

It is pretty clear that people will form opinions of others in a conclusive manner without hearing both sides, and that’s not exactly something you would want if you were in my position. It’s easy when you point the finger, it’s no so easy when it’s your life being put on the chopping block. Call it karma for all the times I judged others. In fact, I called numerous people over the years what people are calling me now… a saving grace is that when I referenced the same descriptive words, I used actual definitions, and not just emotions. This is important when you discuss facts and implications.

Myself and Kai have been relatively distant from the topic in a direct fashion because we’re talking about someone who was our friend for years, a person we trusted, a person who had repeatedly indicated things for years that are the opposite of what they are saying now. But… this is not about making anyone look bad. When you care about people, you don’t go on a public rampage trying to ruin their life. I learned about caring about people the most when I failed to show compassion for many years in how I handled friendships I ended, a video I made about being too honest regarding an ex is in this post, and shows how I used to handle things poorly.

The way I used to function is if someone said something bad about me, I would retaliate and point out all the reasons I kicked them out of my life. This time? Let me just say, I have no idea who Sarah is. I literally don’t. You think you know people, you think you understand them, then something like this happens and you just don’t recognize them anymore, and you wonder who they ever were. If they ever said anything to you that was real.

I’m sure some of you can relate with this… let’s say someone says every day that they’re glad you’re in their life, they act like you’re super important to them, that they would never hurt you… then the next day, they’re planting explosives under your car and tweeting about how the idea of your house burning to the ground is hilarious… you’re sitting over here going “Wait… what happened to that person who said they cared? Who said they would never hurt me?” – To be clear, I’m not saying Sarah said any of those things, I’m not saying Sarah did anything, I’m just using an analogy to help you understand the position I have found myself in before.

Kai & I outright do not trust anyone anymore. Not a single person. The reason we don’t trust anyone is simply because one day, someone is your best friend, someone says everything they possibly can to assure you that you are a good person, that they support you, that they would never try to hurt you, and then the next day, it’s a full publicity tour, going to every possible person they think could hurt you, and saying the absolute worst things.

Let me show you a video that Sarah sent when she was literally told to be honest about who Kai was… something Sarah, I was told, revealed to the public I in fact asked her to do: be honest. This is Sarah, and adult, speaking of Kai around 9 months ago, again, an adult thousands of miles away from us, giving her opinion of Kai after she was asked to just tell the truth about him:

This is an example of the person we thought we knew… a grown up, who was our friend, a best friend even, showing support for Kai. She knew when she made this video nothing had happened between any of us beyond a mere friendship, and we trusted her – we thought we knew her. We thought she would never do anything to hurt us, that she didn’t see us as people to go out and use for her own benefit, for whatever she is getting out of what she is doing now… we just, have no idea how to trust anyone anymore due to the fact that we knew this person for years, and you hear it, a lot.

“Sometimes you do not know who you can trust. I still learn that over and over again.” – Demi Lovato

There are things I could share with all of you about Sarah, every story she told us, every thing she admitted to, everything she wrote us & did around us… so many things happened throughout the years, things that we don’t even have to legally withhold from you, yet Kai remains absolutely silent because he is deeply hurt to this day. He hates the fact I even wrote this statement here as he wants nothing to do with internet subjects like this. He does not even know to process what happened with the person that I, not Kai, but I kicked out of our life.

Fact is, there is a common problem with every friendship/relationship that I’ve ended… and it’s me ending it abruptly, resulting in the same social media outrage. Every single time. When I want someone out of my life, I will tell them outright, you need to go. I’ve gotten early flights for people to leave, especially in cases where it is discovered someone is lying, cheating or otherwise admits to committing a horrible crime. Again, not saying Sarah did any of these things. If she had done something and I went on a tour of numerous channels to hurt her, I feel like that says a lot about my ability to care for people, and what my intentions are. Now if I knew someone who wronged me in a legal sense, I would simply take them to court and have that be the end of it. Social media exists to give ourselves attention, and I feel it is silly to deny that is why we are all there. Like saying you speak to not be heard.

As some of you may know, Sarah allegedly (and I say allegedly because I never saw it myself) went on to talk with multiple streamers on YouTube. Very, very well-known names. I get most all my information through the Onision Patreon Discord, where my patrons tell me what people are saying about me and I often either laugh or say “Wow, that’s messed up” – Well, this time around it was bit more of the “messed up” reaction as apparently what Sarah has publicly said about us is that (1) I was mean to her when she was not yet an adult. My response to that is yes, I was absolutely mean to her verbally, I called her mean names, like a grade-school bully basically, and that is because I didn’t want her to like me, at all. I wanted her to dislike me, that way our existence around each other would never be uncomfortable for me, and she would know I wanted nothing to do with her. I wanted her to stay away from me, and she did. So it worked out. I did however apologize down the line, sometimes the name calling was a bit much, like using the “C” word, even in a joking tone.

(2) I was told she implied that me being mean to her was grooming. This is confusing to me because what would people say if I was nice instead? Grooming is the act of treating someone well. I mean this in the manner where someone cuts a dogs hair, brushes them softly etc. It’s not bring the animal in and telling the animal their stupid. So with this internet logic that I struggle to understand, it seems like there is no winning in that scenario. If no matter what you do = grooming, than the concept of grooming loses meaning. I am at least happy it is now public knowledge that I was mean to Sarah the entire period she was not an adult. Because in a rational world, no one sees someone being mean as someone trying to be inappropriate with them, and that’s great as I had no interest in what people imply, my actions clearly reflect that, just as she admitted herself was the negative/rejection-based behavior I showed her. We were told other things that Sarah said, which I happily deny because these statements are not accurate. To be clear, this is a rejection of the idea, and a denial of the implication, that we are guilty of something horrible, as we are not. And if you pay attention with an honest mind, you can begin to understand the motives and background that lead to this.

In order to accurately understand a situation, you have to get all the perspectives involved. People can mistake how things occur all the time. For instance, in this video you have a girl who at the time said one thing, but long after we cut ties, completely changed her story when it suited her:

As you can see above, there was a person who said one thing happened with Kai & I, and in fact, it was the complete opposite. That’s not the only example I have. This is a person who was around us constantly when Sarah was around for a very long time, openly defending Kai & I when we were still willing to have this person in our life:

Yet… now their story changed as well. This is a result of possibly tribalism, where because the people they are friends with believe something, they do too, it works both ways actually. So you have to ask yourself, which time was she telling the truth? Which version of her lines up with the more honest motive most? The person who was kicked out of our life, or the person who was not yet kicked out of our life?

In one area you have a person who is on good terms with you, so they say nice things about you, then you say, “I don’t want to ever see you again” and suddenly you’re the worst person they ever met. This happens to pretty much every person I’ve ever decided I did not want to be associated with anymore.

This is an entire video of me dealing with what someone was saying not long after I broke up with them, again, it is an example of how I used to deal with people after I kicked them out of my life… I never want to make a video like this again:

And this is another example of a girl who many years ago said I was a great person, even right after I dumped them, but as time passed, despite us having barely any communication with each other, she completely changed her story about me, and not in the “hearsay” verbal communication way… no… she on her own accounts made directly contradictory statements about firstly me being an awesome person, then turned and said I was actually an awful person, despite not having significant contact with me between those two points:

So what I have clearly, and repeatedly demonstrated is that people, even Sarah, have undeniably changed their stories about us, and the main event that changed their story was one thing: Our termination of the friendship.

Rejection is a powerful thing, it takes over your mind, and if you are not equipped to handle rejection, it can lead to compensating, lashing out… and forgetting all the times you said you would never become what you are now. Fact is, everyone in our life thinks the people who run online campaigns against us are awful… until we kick them out of our lives… then, they are with them, claiming their 15 minutes as all the people in our life still, shake their heads and say “I would never do that to you” ¬

What is important to note is that Sarah has accused us of being physically intimate with her while she was an adult. She rejected the idea anything happened before that, which is of course refreshingly true in that we obviously wouldn’t do that. She did however claim acts happened in adulthood that were put rather crudely, I believe one seemed almost like she was bragging as she tweeted something along the lines of “I F***** ONISION!!!” – You’ll have to look that up yourself to confirm the exact word use as me personally, I can’t bear to look at her Twitter at this point, and have not been able to for some time… because it’s like I said, this person was a best friend… and now it’s like they want us dead. You try to remember people for the good times, and when all you see is this enraged person who wishes the worst things happen to you… it’s like a huge piece of your life dies.

To get to the implication that Sarah made, she clearly and repeatedly has said she was an adult when this alleged thing occurred. She also accused Kai of numerous things which are Kai’s business, not mine. Sarah and Sarah’s friend implied their was legal action being taken, they did so long ago, yet Kai remains completely innocent & free. People who know Kai, know he would never want anything like what is implied happened, to happen. Kai is a wonderful person, and as said before, wasn’t the one to cut ties… but I think because the other party knows they can’t hurt me, they try to hurt those I love… and that’s… heartbreaking.

It’s important I inform all of you that we have already spoken to, and been cleared by professionals on associated matters, and because professionals have already looked into it (just like Animal Control clearing me all those years ago, the police taking my ex girlfriend away when I called the cops on her and clearing my behavior as well… while other legitimate officials investigating my life as a result of the internet and clearing us as well) and concluded we were fine, I would hope every rational person could line up all these facts and come to a reasonable conclusion. We are consistently deemed innocent of what people say about us, yet to many, real-world investigations/facts don’t matter.

Now that you know we have been looked into repeatedly, not just this year but over many years and that you know, with proof, the stories of these people have changed, from their own mouths, from their own social media… I would hope you would allow yourself to have a less extreme opinion, especially of Kai, who is the best person I know (hence why I am still married to him after seven years).

Ultimately, you will all believe what you want to, but I think that as a person who has witnessed other people go through numerous online issues with people, it’s nice to give them an official statement that concludes everything but doesn’t really reveal stuff that could really hurt people you once called friend.

As far as Sarah goes, it’s really sad to see all this, it’s especially sad to see someone you knew for years wish you ill, but… this is the nature of the world, and this is how sometimes things wind up.

This is not an exclusive story… people know each other for years and wind up being at odds all the time, but… for once, I’d like to not reveal private information of myself or others, I’d like to not discuss things that mattered to me that only hurt to think about now… I’d like to move on.

Here is a video I made reflecting these more recent feelings:

So… long story short, I wish Sarah well. I hope she has a wonderful life and the same goes for most everyone else on Earth.

I could do what Sarah did, I could go on a huge rant, go on different channels to talk entirely about her and… dramatic topics in general… but… I just don’t have my heart in it.

I’m tired of kicking people out of my life, I’m tired of seeing them hurt because of it… so I’ve decided to just not befriend anyone anymore… I think if I focus on making videos/entertaining my patrons – that’s good enough for me.

To all of you reading, thank you. I’m glad this page is now here for anyone to see who decided to draw conclusions about me or the wonderful Kai, without even knowing what happened.

Me personally? I’m glad we have countless real world witnesses, my family, my friends, extended family, extended friends… I’m glad we have footage, I’m glad we have the massive archives on text, and I’m glad I’m a big enough person to keep that confidential for all that for the people involved, rather than selling my soul & making this just another empty reality show.

All is well that ends well right? Well… I’ve found my happiness… Kai has been happier than I’ve seen him in years so… I’d say that’s great.

Take care of yourselves and each other.